fetchalgernon asked:

You wrote on twitter that you were too young to be published and did fool things you later regretted. I'm curious about those regrets - is there anything you'd be willing to elaborate on?

I do want to clarify I meant I personally was probably too young, and I wasn’t a babe in arms when I was published–I was 24, which is an adult! S.E. Hinton was 18 when her first book was published and she arguably invented young adult fiction. Jennifer Lynn Barnes was a teenager when her first book was published and she’s always been a genius rock star. Some people are married and having kids and doing great at their jobs at 24, but some people are in college, or learning the ropes of their jobs and full-time work life in general and messing up because it still feels unfamiliar. Most of us, me included, will be making messes until we die, though we can hope for better messes.

My regrets aren’t super secret–I would’ve conducted myself differently online and offline. One thing I’ve said before: I wouldn’t link up my real name and my fanfic identity the way I did back when. That means having your juvenilia out there and judged, and yourself judged in a very particular way! It is hard to sit in the doctor’s office and ask him for written proof you have cancer, because the internet will accuse you of faking it. (Yes that did happen. That poor man’s face was like, ‘Girl, why do you not live your life right.’) As I’ve said, I have an assistant-with-antis who filters my social media and email so I don’t have to come upon hostile stuff, and I do wonder if there are ways to inspire less hostility.

But to be clear regarding that example, I think fandom is awesome in many ways, and it’s valuable to say you wrote fanfiction, just don’t get too specific. One of my most cherished facts about a (fancy, brilliant, very bestselling) writer friend is that she wrote Sonic the Hedgehog fanfiction once. Many of my writer friends used to or still do write it! (Fanfic in general… I’m not outing a bunch of writers as avid Sonic fans…) And being open about my identity did mean I had some beautiful supportive readers from the jump, who were sweet to me and made friends with each other (Marmalade fish shoutout). I love that people connect over fiction, and that they connected over mine. My advice to others is to do it like Oscar winner Chloe Zhao, and be like 'yes I write it, yes the call is coming from inside the building, yes creative engaged people engage creatively in many ways, no you’ll never know my online name!’ And that’s mostly how it’s done these days–there are masses of fanfiction writers in TV, in movies, working as editors and agents in publishing, and who are writers, because people who are passionate about creativity are passionate about creativity in many ways. A decade ago and nobody was sure how it was going to go: I do think it went well generally, if uneasily for test balloons like me.

Overall, as regards regrets, if you’re alive, you’re making mistakes, and if you’re growing, you’re learning from them. Often the more you care, the more mistakes you make. There are some things only life experience can teach you, and I’ve seen people who came into writing with experience from being, for instance, lawyers which they were able to use in many ways, and there were times I wished I’d acquired experience or lost naivety in a job that wasn’t my dream job. Sometimes I really didn’t know what was going on, and later I was like 'Ohhh! Oh Lord.’ I would say a few things I wish I’d known: How to draw boundaries like circles of salt that others couldn’t cross. The personal and the professional are going to blur, but it’s still important to try and differentiate them. How to pick your battles: recognise the unwinnable, find the most likely strategy for victory with the winnable ones. Know that people won’t like you just because you’re making life more convenient for them, so don’t do it for that reason. OMG abide by contracts and make sure the contracts cover every eventuality. Learn the art of standing your ground calmly. (One day, I’ll get it.)

But getting published at any age is complicated: I have one friend who was sure she was going to die after she got her publishing contract because it was her dream accomplished, and what was left? I have more life experience in my 30s, but I also had most of those years totally slain by cancer: my writing went off a cliff long before I was diagnosed, and then I couldn’t write, and since then I’ve been scrambling. If I’d been published first at 30 I might have handled myself in style, but there definitely wouldn’t have been two trilogies before the long pause. One very lovely, very talented lady who was first published in the same year I was died shortly after. You don’t know what’s coming: Margaret Mitchell was hit by a speeding drunk driver and we’ll never know if rumours she planned to write a sequel to Gone with the Wind are true. The people whose first books were out in 2020 had a tough time, and I would’ve freaked out if I’d been in their position and am glad I didn’t have a non-tie-in novel out–it was very strange to have two tie-ins out that year as it was! People were reading books in 2020, but it was harder for new books to get on their radar.

I didn’t write the tweet to alarm anyone, or say there was a magical time it was best to be published at. Lots of amazing writers aren’t published, are published feeling they’re too young, are published feeling they’re too old. I think my tweet was really to say, there’s no precise right time, and no way to execute your dreams exactly right. I do look back on stuff and think, oh lord, me at 30 might have handled THAT better. I hope that I’ll look back at me now from 50 and go, I’d crush the stuff that crushed her!

Are there things I would change, sure. But I probably would make different mistakes if it had all happened differently for me. Humans constantly torment ourselves imagining the magic way we could’ve got everything right, a task exactly nobody has accomplished. I’ve never lived a perfect life or written a perfect book, and I don’t know anyone else who has. I’m really glad I was published, and really proud of all my books. If you’ve never done something you’ve regretted, how much have you done? Keep going.